The Burden of Truth
by BurgundyHope
Summary: She'd evaded the noose once already, just in the past year, in fact, but not this time. You can't always be free from your past...some demons will never be defeated. -some dialogue is taken from "The Jailer"


Mike unlocked and opened the door to Matt's prison and watched as Kitty walked in. She could feel his eyes burning holes in the back of her head, looked to Matt and knew Mike was now eyeing him. They were sizing each other up, just waiting for someone to make a wrong move. But Kitty could only look at Matt's face. She had to for as long as she could.

The door finally closed behind her and Matt grabbed her by the arms, giving her all of his attention. "Kitty." There wasn't much time left.

He hugged her close—damn the chains shackling his wrists together—and her arms went tight around his waist. "It's the morning of the second day, Matt." She hardly recognized her own voice, aching with despair, disbelief.

They simply stood there, not speaking, not giving any physical comfort other than the desperate embrace they were already locked in. Kitty longed to reach up and kiss Matt, to drown herself in the sensation of his touch and draw all the comfort she could from him, but she held back. Matt would do anything for her, and so she would do this for him. If he initiated it she wouldn't stop him, she wouldn't be able to, but she would not be the one to knock down the walls he was carefully building up. It was how he tried to cope with adversity—less emotion, more distance—and she would help him for as long as it was in her power to.

It was tearing her up.

The door opened suddenly, startling them, and they broke apart as Sara came in with a tray of food, looking like she was about to be sick. Kitty rushed forward and whispered urgently, "Please, you've got to help us!"

"There ain't no help." Mike appeared behind Sara. "You've got ten minutes."

Sara set the tray on the floor in front of Kitty and Matt and then left, squeezing past Mike to get out. He eyed them for a moment, his pistol casually pointed in their direction, before shutting them in once more.

Kitty looked at Matt, _really_ looked. Their luck had just run out—their options had finally been exhausted. Matt turned away first and moved to the other side of the room, while she felt herself morbidly drawn to the window, the gallows mocking her. She'd evaded the noose once already, just in the past year, in fact, but not this time.

"Thanks for all the wonderful years, Matt." She had meant to comfort him, to be sincere, but she'd suddenly and overwhelmingly been struck by the unfairness of it all. Her sentiment sounded bitter and sarcastic instead. She couldn't take it anymore, and without warning Kitty slammed her right fist against the wall, then turned and kicked the tray across the room—food splattered the across ground and tin dishes clattered together.

Ragged breaths tore from her lungs, and she cradled her hand against her chest, tears burning her eyes. The pain was not excruciating, but under the circumstances it was enough to throw her right over the edge of her self-control. She couldn't look at Matt, but she heard him move toward her—_those damn chains_—and when his hands took hold of her injured one so gently she couldn't hold back, allowing a single heartbroken sob to tear through her. Then another.

The door burst open. "Alright, that's enough! Time's up," Mike barked at them, momentarily shocking Kitty into silence. Lou was behind Mike, and he pushed past his brother and then Kitty to grab Matt, who began to struggle. But Lou cracked him over the head with the butt of his pistol and shoved him, disoriented, outside and toward the gallows.

"No!" Kitty screamed. "Please, no!" She ran after them but Ben caught her against himself ten feet from the steps to the gallows and held her tightly in his arms. _Why did he have to help them?_

She beat against her captor's arms around her waist and chest, bucking against his hold, but to no avail.

Matt was already at the top of the stairs, turning to look at her with blood running down the side of his head from Lou's blow, apologizing with his eyes—the pain in them, the guilt—Lou was putting the noose around Matt's neck. He had to fight back! "Stop! Please, don't…you can't do this!" Each shout ripped at Kitty's throat.

Etta Stone smiled bitterly from where she stood at the lever. "This is how it was."

She pulled the lever.

"NO!"

Kitty abruptly stilled in Ben's arms, horrified at the scene unfolding before her. Matt's neck hadn't broken when he dropped, and instead he was strangling to death. Slowly…. He twisted around on the end of the rope, jerking convulsively, sputtering and choking. _Dear God, it can't end like this!_

And Kitty started screaming hysterically, her legs giving out, leaving her sagging against Ben's grip. She _knew_ she had never reacted so violently, so intensely, to anything before, but it was as if someone else was controlling her actions. She had lost all rational thought. Tears and mucus poured down her face, soaking the now sickening green colored fabric of her dress at the collar. She couldn't stop even if she wanted to, not even an eternity later when Matt finally…when he stopped…when he was _dead_. Kitty was still sobbing hoarsely when Lou came back down the steps for her—but it really didn't matter anymore.

"Matt! Matt…oh, God, no…please, not Matt…." Nothing could matter anymore. She couldn't take her eyes off of his broken body, now laying beneath the gallows, once familiar and beloved face grotesque in a horrific death. She didn't even register what was about to happen until the noose was around her neck—_this time it'll work_.

Etta, tears on her own face—and a strange longing—reached for the lever and—

With a shuddering gasp, Kitty shot up in bed, heart racing, hands grasping at her throat, sheets tangled around her legs and her nightgown falling off one shoulder. Stuck somewhere between waking and the nightmare in her mind, she started frantically looking around the room, eyes darting from one point to the next, looking for Matt's body. She couldn't find him! She moved to get out of the bed, but the door to her room burst open and she fell back onto the mattress, the twisted sheets holding her captive.

"Kitty?" Doc rushed through the door with Festus on his heels, concern etched onto their faces.

"Doc?" she whimpered, clutching at her throat again. "What's going on, Doc?"

"We heard ya screamin' somethin' terrible, Miss Kitty," Festus answered. "Even with all the ruckus goin' on down yonder."

* * *

Doc quickly sat on the edge of her bed and placed a large but gentle hand on her forehead, brushing her tangled, sweat-matted hair out of her face with his other. They shouldn't have left her alone. He tried to check the pulse in her wrist, but she jerked away.

"Did they get you, too?" Kitty cried, clearly confused. "You've gotta get out of here, Doc!" She started anxiously searching the room again, head jerking from side to side.

"What's she goin' on about, Doc? Don't she know where she is?" Festus questioned.

"Her fever's broken, but the sedative I gave her to help her sleep must be trapping her mind in her nightmare." Doc answered Festus without looking at him, his voice strained, self-recriminating. "Honey, look at me," he urged, still focused on Kitty. She didn't appear to have heard him. Doc firmly grasped her face in his hands to still her movement and help her to concentrate on him. She stilled almost instantly, pinning him with an intense stare that made him shudder inwardly, and he tenderly thumbed the tears off her cheeks. "Now listen to me, baby," he smiled sweetly at her, "you're alright. We're here in your room at the Long Branch. You've been awful sick, but you're going to be just fine now."

Kitty blinked slowly a few times, and Doc thought he could _literally_ see reality dawning in her crystal blue eyes.

"D-Doc?" Her voice was hoarse.

"Yes, and Festus is right here, too."

"Miss Kitty," Festus grinned, nodding reassuringly. "We sure was worried 'bout ya for a while there. But ol' Doc here says you're gonna be fit as a fiddle now."

"Where's…where's Matt?" She didn't seem to be confused anymore, but her tone was unsure, still slightly frightened.

"He's out making his rounds, Kitty," Doc answered. "He'll be back just as soon as he's done. Now let's get you back under your covers, ok? You're startin' to shiver, honey." He moved to untangle the sheets from around her legs, but she suddenly gripped his forearms with surprising strength.

"I need to see Matt," her voice started to shake with desperation and her breath quickened. "I need him, Doc, please! Please get him for me." She was on the verge of hyperventilating now, fresh tears coursing down pale cheeks.

Not taking his eyes off Kitty, Doc addressed Festus. "Festus, go and see if you can find Matt. And hurry!"

Without even a word of question, Festus rushed from the room, shutting the door behind him, spurs jangling loudly.

Doc carefully prised himself from Kitty's tense, vice-like grip and held her hands in his own—they were like ice. "Now, Kitty, you've got to calm down for me. Those sedatives are confusing you still." He could feel when she began to tremble violently. "Come on, baby, just take it easy."

Her breath started coming in shorts gasps. "I—I can't, Doc. I can't—can't help it." Her tortured eyes cut Doc to the quick. "Please, Doc, I have to see Matt…" she trailed off, sobs overtaking her.

And Doc moved quickly with a fluidity and grace that belied his age and usually gruff exterior. He leaned against the headboard, swinging his legs up onto the bed, gathered Kitty in his arms so that she was cradled across his lap, and held her tightly as her body shook with the force of her tears. He wished to God Festus would hurry, his heart breaking more and more with every passing minute until Kitty finally stilled in his arms.

"We were back at…at Etta Stone's…." She spoke so quietly Doc had to strain to hear her. "But this time the tray, it was just food. And…oh god, Doc! His neck didn't…_break_…and I had to watch—" she couldn't finish her sentence. She took a deep breath and continued, slightly louder now. "And I just couldn't stop screaming, but then I was up there, and I could _feel_ it—it was the Strom's all over again…but I knew it was going to work this time…."

Silent tears rolled down Doc's face, and he raised a hand to brush them quickly away before they could fall on Kitty's hair. Even four years later…. He cleared his throat. "Matt's fine, Kitty, just fine. You both are." _Thank God_.

"He always dies in my nightmares."

Doc's heart constricted painfully in his chest at her dispassionate admission and he hugged her even tighter to himself. How often did she suffer while she slept?

"Galen?" Her voice was barely above a whisper again, an unsettling timidity to it. "Don't let me fall asleep again?"

He choked back the feeling of guilt rising in his throat. "I won't, honey."

Jangling spurs and a heavier, more insistent set of footsteps coming down the hall a minute later sounded the imminent return of Festus with Matt. Doc mentally sighed in relief, not realizing until just that moment how impatient he had been for Festus to find Matt. Kitty sat up slightly, and Doc eased her out of his arms, standing up. The corner of his mouth turned up into a soft smile, although he knew she could see his eyes were touched with sadness, and he gently pulled her head closer, kissing her sweetly on the forehead.

The door opened behind him, and Doc turned and met Matt's eyes for a moment before moving to leave. He touched Matt briefly on the arm as they crossed paths, and Doc prayed Matt would be able to give Kitty what she needed. He reached to pull the door closed on his way out and turned just in time to see Kitty swiftly devour Matt with her eyes, proving to herself he was still alive, before suddenly reaching up and pulling him in for a kiss that practically screamed Kitty's need for reassurance with its frantic, desperate motions. Matt responded quickly as Doc closed the door softly behind him and faced Festus who had waited in the hall.

"Is she goin' t' be alright, Doc?" Festus asked, his warm brown eyes clouded with worry.

Doc swiped at his mustache and shoved his hands in his pockets, studying the wall behind Festus' head for a moment, before looking him straight in the eye and giving his old friend his honest opinion, sharing with him the burden of truth.

"Until the next time, Festus."


End file.
